How it came to be that my freindship with Matt the moose sort of drifted apart
When i was doing my A levels i made some freinds. One of whom is my mate Dave with the big chopper. My other mate horse i knew from school. I made a freind called matt at college where i did my a levels. The school i went to was shite and shut after i left. One of my teachers tried to get me to stay on in the sixth form at the rival school. Thornbridge comprehensive. No fucking thankyou! I went to richmond college and it was ace.
Really good teachers there. I digress.....
There was this guy called matt and his mum was the librarian. Quiet types those librarians.
Matt came to a bit of a lash up at my mum and dads house and my brother put some pornographic videos on. They weren't very nice. Anyway. My mate horse needed a piss so he was waiting while matt came back cos matt was upstairs. He waited and waited. Eventually he went upstairs to find the lavatory empty and the light off. There was a light on in my mum and dads room though. So horse knocks on the door and says "matt? are you there?" which is followed by frantic scrabbling and hiding type noises. So Horse decides to investigate further and shoves his head round the dooor. Hiding behind the bed he sees young matt. He can see that he is on his knees and crouching down. He can see that he is almost naked too. Almost.
The only item he is wearing is a pair of red silk split crotch panties that belonged to my mummy.
"What are you doingt matt?" asks the horse.
"Being a moose" came rthe reply.
"I think you had better get dressed and come down stairs" sys horse.
"yes" says matt.
The horse then duly reported his findings to me and much merriment ensued. And i have never told anyone about it ever. Honest.
Really good teachers there. I digress.....
There was this guy called matt and his mum was the librarian. Quiet types those librarians.
Matt came to a bit of a lash up at my mum and dads house and my brother put some pornographic videos on. They weren't very nice. Anyway. My mate horse needed a piss so he was waiting while matt came back cos matt was upstairs. He waited and waited. Eventually he went upstairs to find the lavatory empty and the light off. There was a light on in my mum and dads room though. So horse knocks on the door and says "matt? are you there?" which is followed by frantic scrabbling and hiding type noises. So Horse decides to investigate further and shoves his head round the dooor. Hiding behind the bed he sees young matt. He can see that he is on his knees and crouching down. He can see that he is almost naked too. Almost.
The only item he is wearing is a pair of red silk split crotch panties that belonged to my mummy.
"What are you doingt matt?" asks the horse.
"Being a moose" came rthe reply.
"I think you had better get dressed and come down stairs" sys horse.
"yes" says matt.
The horse then duly reported his findings to me and much merriment ensued. And i have never told anyone about it ever. Honest.
posted by Doktor Skum at 8:45 AM
18 Comments:
i think i have raised some important issues here. Would anyone like to ask any questions concerning this little tale?
#For example;
What was matt really doing?
Is he reaaly a moose?
Did he put his hands to his head and make like antlers?
See if you can think of any and i will do my best to answer them. I might use dirty words though. Sorry.
ROFL! Truth is always so much better than fiction. I think revealing your mother's choice of underwear is very brave of you!
its a lovely tale isn't it?
he must have gone right through my mums pants drawer. Fighting his way past the formidable bigguns to get to the prize of the slutty ones!
Another heart warming tale Dok. I feel proud to virtually know you.
Being a moose ? They're well known for their taste in slutty lingerie are moose. It's a Canadian thing I'm lead to believe.
they are dirty little buggers. I bet they go around antlering each other.
A year or so later, my mate strange dave was on the chunder bus coming home. A mate of his got o and strange dave decides to tell him all about the matt the moose in scum's mum's pants story in the way that only a loud and highly emotionally refreshed yorkshireman in cowboy boots and a floral shirt can.
He goes on at some length, no doubt adding a few embellishments of his own. As the bus approaches the stop before the one strange dave is due to get off at he feels a tap on the shoulder and Matt the moose leans in close and says
"Goodnight Dave"
In a quiet little voice.
Not been seen since.
Oh God, the things we did when we were young. Even a boring old fart like has got a tale or two to tell. Maybe not in the same league as this but perhaps worth telling one day.
I wonder when Our Skum is going to nbe offered a lat night chat show spot...
an excellent idea Gav - he could have Kilroy on as a guest.
Or a segment where bufoons of various persuasions have to Greco- Roman wrestle. Littlejohn vs Abu Hamza. Kilroy vs Prescott (actually that might be a little unfairly weighted). Sharapova vs Hantuchova. Ok that last one was just for me.
Womens' Greco- Roman wrestling, naturally!
i can see that sort of thing being handy with my study into lesbology. For medical reasons only of course.
Is "lesbology" the right word? What about "lesbiosis" , "lesbotics" or even "lesboticism" Or am I just being silly?
Nothing prurient about an interest in the study of sapphism, for academic reasons!
Bloody hell! When did you lot last leave your caves? Sorry, cots? You remind me of my 12yo!!!
Lol Mags!
I have visited once or twice and felt very out of place....
;)
Lucy, I think you just have to put your wellies on when you come over and muck out with the lads!
it is sad and pathetic isn't it. Its cos thats what blokes are I am afraid!
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