SPERM DONATION
Should i or shouldn't i? I am tempted to start donating my white wee wee to medical science again. I used to make regular deposits when i was a student but haven't done so forabout 13 years. There does seem to be a shortage of splanky sauce at the moment and the hospital over the road from me is desperately short apparanly.
I started to phone them earlier but i shat my pants and bottled out without saying anything. I have asked mrs scum help when i phone up and she backs me. She even says whe will give us a hand like.
The only problem is i won't be allowed to jisulate for 2-3 days before a donation. Not sure i can leave my little sausage alone for that long.
Also, I am thinking of putting my name to my earlier efforts. I can't really bear the thought of some poor kid wanting to know who supplied half their DNA and not being able to find me. Mind you, They'll be dissappointed won't they? I have no fear of them wanting cash of me as there isn't any. I have dragged myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
I started to phone them earlier but i shat my pants and bottled out without saying anything. I have asked mrs scum help when i phone up and she backs me. She even says whe will give us a hand like.
The only problem is i won't be allowed to jisulate for 2-3 days before a donation. Not sure i can leave my little sausage alone for that long.
Also, I am thinking of putting my name to my earlier efforts. I can't really bear the thought of some poor kid wanting to know who supplied half their DNA and not being able to find me. Mind you, They'll be dissappointed won't they? I have no fear of them wanting cash of me as there isn't any. I have dragged myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
posted by Doktor Skum at 5:28 AM
17 Comments:
forgot to mention earlier that when i used to donate as a student for beer money, they used to have a big record book at the hospital with details of when your tadpoles had been used. And wheteer they had succeeded in their big swim. When i last snuck a look i had three strikes. Cool. They'll be turning up pretty soon. maybe.
Its a moral dilemma that I a unsure about.
I think definitely children should be allowed know who their biological parents are.
As to whether its right that mothers to be can access random sperm is another issue.
I often wonder how the 'Dads' cope knowing the child is not theirs. In cases where fathers have discovered that a child is not biologically theirs through DNA testing, many have rejected it.
Oh Skummy, you have a lovely turn of phrase that I adore: "white wee wee". I would love to know the origin of that expression.
If you and Mrs Skum, who is beginning to sound like a saint to me, are both in agreement and you really don't mind them turning up on your doorstep, then go for it. You will be providing a service that will make an awful lot of people happy.
Do you ever watch ER? There was a episode in the last series when Morris, the doctor you would never want to see in a million years even if he was the only doctor left on the planet, had four of his successful sperm donations turn up en masse at the hospital. He's a red head and they cast all the children as red heads, even the black one. Very funny episode.
Lord only knows what i would say if a selection of gargoyles yurned up at the door. Actually, it wou;ld probably be funny as I was an angry young man, my dad was an angry young man and my grandpa was an agry young man too. Apparantly my great grand pappy was a bastard. Dunno if he was angry or not.
white wee wee was a catchphrase used by the gay daleks off some crappy late night sketch show that did have the bonus of john sparks doing "frank hovis on the lavatory"
Now that i am 36 i know quite a few families who cannot have kids for one reason or another. It is very sad. A couple i know very well have been going at it for years without sprogging and it is such a pity as they are lovely.
I'd say go for it Dok, as long as you don't mind the offspring being able to trace you.
I have thought about it a lot. I can't really see the problem. And mrs scum is with me all the way so what the hell.
I'll put the money in a savings account for christmas if they will have me back.
Mags is right : you have a great turn of phrase. "Jisulate" is my favourite. Round here "white wee wee" is sometimes called "Geordie Yoghurt".
I never even considered sperm donation when I was young and pre-vasectomy. I've tossed away a fortune!
Here is wisdom. Listen. Next time you are making the beast with two backs and you get to the bit where you "spatter your watter du tatter", try shouting "SPLANK!" and see if the mrs gives you a slap.
N.B. Watter is the correct pronunciation if you are from sheffield.
les
I was wondering, if you want a bit of batter, I could maybe send you some in the post? Cut out the middle man as it were?
lucy
I guess the dad has time to get used to the idea that his wrigglers don't work. Mind you, that can't be easy. At the moment though the hospitals are desperate.
Doc,
After my vasectomy I had to send a sample to a laboratory in Middlesbrough to make sure the operation had been a success. I've heard of things that come in the post but I never thought it would one day mean me!
It's kind of you to offer but I get too much junk mail already, Doc : I don't think I want any spunk mail! :-)
OK, things are moving, i just phoned up the hosptial and i am being sent an appointment so i can arrange to blow a bit of froth off the top as it were.
spatter
pearlescent tear
globule
sliming off
...a conglomeration of all of the above, I daresay...
I made all my previous donations in the period 92-93ish. So any kids would be 13-14 and not old enough to trace me. They cannot trace me of course, because donations were anonnymous back then
Anyway, I have come to the decision that it would be for the best if i made my identity known to the hospital so that if any of my offspring want to now more about me then they can.
Anyway, it would make life more interesting.
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