Its been a week or two.

its all gone a bit quiet round here cos my uncle died. He was a chippie and groundcrew on mossies out in the far east in the war. I will miss him. Anyway, after the funeral i will post some more filth. Until then here is a story about my uncle which is only small but i reckon it is dead funny.

My uncle was going through india towards the end of the war and he was on a train with loads of other squaddies. They pulled into a station and of course were mobbed by loads of locals plying their trades. One woman has a baby with her at the tit, and some nobhead squaddie gives her a load of racist abuse. Quick as a flash the old girl pops her tit out and squirts the gobshite over his shirt with mommas finest! That shut him up! And of course, in the indian heat he soon developed a interesting aroma of sour milk!


I like that.

Table manners!¬

Here is a tale inspired by ppg on the R5 boards.


My tale today conerns a young gentleman who used to be a post doctoral researcher at a leading university. We shall call him "Jim" to protect him.


When i started work here I shared an office with jim. He was very tall, taller than me (I am 6 2 in my socks) and a lovely chap. Very kind and considerate. I had just turned 27. I had recently come off the pills and whizz following a nasty breakup and i was runni9ng a fair bit. I was looking pretty good to be honest. I even got told i had a nice bottom once or twice. But blokes are always saying that aren't they?


Anyway, I digress.

Young jim used to have a reasonably frequent visitor in the shape of a reasonably attractive girl in a suit who used to sit at hius desk with him and the two used to work on his computer. You could tell they were obviously very well aquainted but there was always a bit of tension in there. Sometimes the girl, "kate" would come in and work on the computer when jim wasn't there. On these occasions she would make it pretty obvious that she was available for conversation. Bit of a minx she was.

Turns out she was finishing her thesis, so eventually her visits ceased. And i breathed a sigh of relief.


Anyway, it turns out that kate and jim were an ex item, hence the friction, and that there was a bit of the old on and off about their time together. This being a lot to do with her pants as what kept falling down and stuff. When other blokes was nearby.


During an off time kate tries to win back her man, Jim. She invites him round for an extra special dinner where she plans to serve something up to win him back for good!


Unfortunately, their is a slight mixup, and Jim thinks that he and another couple have been invited round for dinner. The other couple are both scientists from Hong Kong and a very nice couple indeed. Very refined. And it is with this couple that Jim goes round to Kates.


Imagine their surprise therefore, when they turn up for a dinner at Kates place. Jim opens the door and enters and they all march into the dining room where they find what Kate has prepared for them. Except that Kate has served herself up for Jim, on the dining room table in some rather attractive and revealing undergarments!



Good Lord!


Fish supper anyone?

How it came to be that you should never tell your secrets to my big brother.

When my brother was at school he was mates with a lad in his class who shall be given the pseudonym of Keith. Keith was a lovely lad, one of the brightest in his year. Dead funny like, and dead nice. He was very creative, and for that matter still is and i beleive he works in TV now. He also hads loads of kids and a lovely mrs too does #Keith and good luck to him i say!


Now, if Keith had a flaw it was that he was a bit tightly wound. Some might say a tad anal. But that would be harsh. You know what i mean. Anyway, he was a drinking buddy of my big brother and as young blokes would be out every weekend for ales and curry and such.

One day, Keith is dead quiet in the pub like. And my boig bro who is a bit of a silver tongued devil asks him whats up like and it turns out that poor old keith is due to go into hospital. For a procedure no less!


Our kid is all ears and gets keith to confide in him concerning his impending procedure.


It turns out that the poor lad had a nasty little lower back body effluent exit problem. The problem manifested itsself thus:

Keiths poor little nipsy was too tiny and wee to pass a normal stool as it had never properly grown since he was a wee boy. As a result of this difficulty, his lower back body bowels used to build up a rather large quantity of pressure till even his tiny doughnut couldn't hold it back anylonger. This used to occur about once a month apparantly and would be invevitably attended by a certain amount of tearing, and a good few hours on the lavvy.


OoooooooH ! Now lets be honest, you just clenched your bottom cheeks together as you read that didn't you?



Anyway, Keith told my brother about this and with great compassion my brother told every fucker in the whole wide world. And he joyed telling them too.