Yet another police incident
That resulted in me nearly getting arrested at the weekend.
I was with the family in the car in a supermarket carpark. I was turning left and stuck in a queue of traffic. A car came up to me a the guy beeped his little tooter and said some rude words. There wasn't anywhere to go so i gave him the dissaproving look i norally save for my 5 year old and then casually flicked him the vees.
This had an instant and noticable effect on the impatient so and so. He was a bit weasel looking and he went all sort of cross and angry.
Pleased with the response i drove away. slowly. Whilst flicking the vees again.
his knuckles went all white on the steering wheel and he followed me getting angrier and angrier all the time. I left the car pak and the guy followed me. I turned left at a roundabout and and he followed me.
I went up to anoth roundabout and he pulled alongside He was looking really angry. seething he was! Naturally i flicked him the vees.
It was at this point that the chap went absolutely crackers!
As i pulled onto the roundabout he put his foot down and tried to ram me off the road!
There was a sqeal of brakes and a roar of his engine as he tried to edge me off the roundabout. I made my exit though but unfortunately hit a red light! he swerved to miss me and mounted the kerb. Then he jumped out and opened my door and started scouting rude words like cunt and twat at me in front of my kids. HE stood holding my door open and refused to let go so i could not drive off. I got out the car and he backed up shouting at me to hit him so that he could have me for assault. He repeated this over and over. I went over to his car and opened his door which seemed to make him even more angry. His wife came and shoved me away! I told her to go away and went back to my car as he had now got more concerned i might do something to his car.
All this time he was shouting "Go on! hit me!"
his mrs, bless her was trying to calm things down and i went back to my car but got pinned against the door by the pair of them. She was pleading for sanity and he was swearing away. My kids were terrified. At last i decided i had had enough of the silly prick.
Very carefully i reached up, picked his spectacles off and threw them away.
"THATS ASSAULT!"
he bawled triumphantly! And then he started phoning the police to report the terrible crime i had committed about him. I jumped in the car and went to the local cop shop to get things straightened out.
Needless to say. nothing happened. However, if i hadn't called the cops, i could well have been arrested on account of the bullshit the pillock with no specs was giving them. What a grade A twat!
I was with the family in the car in a supermarket carpark. I was turning left and stuck in a queue of traffic. A car came up to me a the guy beeped his little tooter and said some rude words. There wasn't anywhere to go so i gave him the dissaproving look i norally save for my 5 year old and then casually flicked him the vees.
This had an instant and noticable effect on the impatient so and so. He was a bit weasel looking and he went all sort of cross and angry.
Pleased with the response i drove away. slowly. Whilst flicking the vees again.
his knuckles went all white on the steering wheel and he followed me getting angrier and angrier all the time. I left the car pak and the guy followed me. I turned left at a roundabout and and he followed me.
I went up to anoth roundabout and he pulled alongside He was looking really angry. seething he was! Naturally i flicked him the vees.
It was at this point that the chap went absolutely crackers!
As i pulled onto the roundabout he put his foot down and tried to ram me off the road!
There was a sqeal of brakes and a roar of his engine as he tried to edge me off the roundabout. I made my exit though but unfortunately hit a red light! he swerved to miss me and mounted the kerb. Then he jumped out and opened my door and started scouting rude words like cunt and twat at me in front of my kids. HE stood holding my door open and refused to let go so i could not drive off. I got out the car and he backed up shouting at me to hit him so that he could have me for assault. He repeated this over and over. I went over to his car and opened his door which seemed to make him even more angry. His wife came and shoved me away! I told her to go away and went back to my car as he had now got more concerned i might do something to his car.
All this time he was shouting "Go on! hit me!"
his mrs, bless her was trying to calm things down and i went back to my car but got pinned against the door by the pair of them. She was pleading for sanity and he was swearing away. My kids were terrified. At last i decided i had had enough of the silly prick.
Very carefully i reached up, picked his spectacles off and threw them away.
"THATS ASSAULT!"
he bawled triumphantly! And then he started phoning the police to report the terrible crime i had committed about him. I jumped in the car and went to the local cop shop to get things straightened out.
Needless to say. nothing happened. However, if i hadn't called the cops, i could well have been arrested on account of the bullshit the pillock with no specs was giving them. What a grade A twat!
posted by Doktor Skum at 7:42 AM
11 Comments:
The are some twats about. If you'd have twatted him you'd have got done for it although he was certainly asking for a good seeing to, wasn't he?
He didn't have a strange orange glow about him, did he?
no orange glow i am afraid. Steam cming out of his ears but that was ear wax coloured.
As he repeatedly goaded me to hit him, i wonder if that is an acceptable defence in court?
I think provocation could be a mitigating circumstance or something. However, on a TV program a while ago they showed CCTV footage of a bloke getting his ear bent, in the street, big style by his mother in law. He got to a point where he'd finally had enough and he just turned round and twatted her, breaking her jaw in the process.
He got done for assault and I think he got sent down.
you could argue that i provoked him by flicking him the vees a few times. But, in mitigation, i would say that anyone in my position would or at least should have done the same, cos when i did it his face went all sour! like he was licking piss of a nettle. Most amusing. I must confess though, i hadn't expected him to go completely crackers!
On saturday morning the police phoned and talked to my wife, mrs scum. They asked her about the incident with the nutter. She told the cops what happened and shhe (the cop) told my mrs that the stories didn't match. They asked my mrs if we had any independant witnesses, but we didn't get any. So the cops are looking for CCTV footage of the incident. I hope they have got it all on video as it will no doubt show that the nutter was very aggressive towards me. Not only that but, with any luck, it will show him tryoing to force my car off the road with my pregnant wife and kids in. Hmmmmm! Should prove interesting. When he screeched to a halt at the side of me, mounting the kerb, he actually missed my car by around two inches.
When the cops phoned up they said that they weren't happy that we had left the scene of the incident. We did so on the advice of the police who we were on the pphone to at the time. We then went straight to the nearest cop shop
I would be annoyed if this all weren't such a waste of tax payers money. Are there any legal types out there who can advise? My children were screaming and absolutely terrified by this cowardly nutter, and my daughter now won't sleep on her own.
Also, it will be amusing to be vindicated by video evidence twice.
Good Luck, Dok! I hope you "get a result".
My tip would be to get a good solicitor if it looks the slightest bit dodgy for you. They can make a huge difference.
solicitors cost money don't they?
I am skint! If the police arrest me or ask for a statement, (something that has not happened yet) I think i will ask for some form of legal representaton before being questioned.
I didn't bother with any of this on the kilroy thing and the police couldn't be arsed with any of it, so i accepted a caution. Looking back i regret doing that. I should have let them charge me and then i could have proved kilroy a liar in court. But i just wanted to get home to the wife and newborn son at the time, and i was coached on what to say to get kilroy off my back with the minimum of fuss. At the time i didn't know that it was definately all on camera.
Anyway, this time i will not accept any form of caution and if i am charged with anything i will simply stand my ground aznd plead not guilty.
Blimey Skum, you don't half live dangerously sometimes! I hope this turns out well for you and that you are fully vindicated. It makes me laugh though when police officers (or teachers for that matter) say that the stories don't match. Well of course they don't because one person is telling the truth and the other is lying...d'oh! As you phoned the police on the spot I know who I think they should believe!
Good luck.
Heh heh! Its all good clean fun! My trouble is, that when i see someone get all huffity puffity when i flick them the vees, i tend to do it again! Like poking a stick into a wasp nest. Really i am that stupid. IT is all very funny though.
Heres a little bit of afters for you all. Still haven't heard from the feds and their investigation into cctv footage. Shame cos i am looking forward to demanding an apology to wind the tit upo further!
Anyway, my mates son is a lawyer or some sort of legal type. Whears a wig and gown and defends people like on the telly. I told my mate what had happened and he had a word with his lad. His lad described my removing of the blokes specs as, and i quote, " a work of genius"
that really tickled me. A lawyer describing doktor Skum as a genius! I might let it go to my head and coe up with a feindish plan to take over the world.
You taking over the world is a thought provoking event.
Let us know how it all ends please Skum.
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